Dear Aaron,
You're 20. We've spent more time apart in the past year than we ever did the first 18 years of your life. Which is exactly how it's supposed to be. This is the part we trained you for. This was the goal. I have learned to not be sad that you aren't home with us anymore, but to soak in every single minute that I do get to spend with you. Usually when we see each other, you will catch me looking at you for no reason and ask, "what?", and my response is always "Nothing. I just like looking at you." What you don't know is that when I look at you I can still see the baby at my breast, the 2 year old going to pre-k with the backpack that was way too big, the 5 year old holding his little brother for the first time, the 4th grader smiling ear to ear because he was so proud of his award, the 8th grader who liked to go kick the football after school, and the high schooler who loved having his friends at our house. A mom can see all of this in one glance across the table, so forgive me if you think I'm looking at you for too long. It has been an honor to get to be at all of those parts of life for you, and it is an honor to watch what you do with your life moving forward.
From the time you were little, every big life move you made showed us a little more about the person you were becoming. I remember when you were in kindergarten and you came home using words that I'd never heard you use before (not bad words, just different than normal) and I thought about how much your friends would help shape you and become part of your story. I would just listen and enjoy what you were saying and doing but I knew this was something that would continue as you evolved into who you were to become. Now I do the same when I see you. You've been influenced by a whole new set of people over the past year, and again that has led you to change and become a little bit more of who you are going to be, and I can't get enough of our time together as I get to know the ever-evolving Aaron. I have loved every single version of you. The rodeo kid from kindergarten, the new kid in school from 3rd grade, the trying-to-figure-out-my-place kid from middle school, the football kicker and deer/duck hunter from high school, and the college student/boat mechanic/fisherman from your first year away from us. Dad and I have been your number one fans throughout every single version of your life, and we continue to be today, even when we don't see or talk to you as much as we'd like. We try hard to not bother you in your busy life, but at the end of the day, the question is always, "did you talk to Aaron today?", because as much as we don't want to bother you, we both really want to know how everything was in your world that day. You are so very loved.
In case you haven't heard, when you turn 20 you automatically know everything there is to know about adulting and you'll figure out everything about your life this year that you've ever wondered. Except you don't and you won't. And if you ever figure out the age that happens, please let me know so I can look forward to being that age. To this day, I still call my parents when I have a big decision or need advice. Why? Because they've always had my back and chose to love me, even when I was being unlovable. And my guess is that if their parents were still alive, they'd call them up and ask them for advice as well. The truth is, we don't ever have it all figured out. We need help from people that we love and trust to help get us through this world that seems to have gone crazy. Please don't ever hesitate to call us or come home whenever you feel like it. We will always be your safe place and will always be cheering the loudest for you and your success as an adult. We worked hard to get you here, and we'll continue to work hard for you as long as God gives us breath.
So, advice for my 20-year old version of Aaron...
- Make wise financial decisions, and stay out of debt. This is something I wish I would've been better at in my early years, but learning to manage money well at your age will benefit you the rest of your life.
- Be the man that you need to be in order to attract the wife that you would like to have. This needs to be printed in bold letters and kept beside your nightstand until the day you marry. Take a very honest look at yourself. If you want a woman that is better than you are now, it's time to rise up and be the man that she would want before you even meet her. God is getting her ready to be the woman that you need, so let Him work on you to help you become the man she needs. You will be the leader in your household. She needs to be able to see that in you from the first date.
- Don't allow yourself to become addicted to bad habits that are hard to break. Smoking, drinking, vaping, pornography, illegal drugs, all of these things will be around you for the remainder of your adult life. We did our very best to shield you from it all when you were with us, but whether or not you choose to participate in any of these things as an adult is your choice. I've spent my life watching marriages break up, people lose their jobs, and people dying too early because of an addiction they wish they'd never started. If any of this is going on with you, stop it now before it controls your life, because it will control everything and you give all of your power and free choices over to that addiction.
- Pray for your future daily. And I mean every. single. day. You have no idea how much God can take your little dreams and turn them into something so much bigger than you could've ever dreamed for yourself. I see it happen in my life over and over. Pray for wisdom in major life choices. Ask Him. He will give you your answer every single time.
- As always, make smart choices and do your very best to think through the consequences of your actions before you take them. Research shows that until you're about age 25, you don't even think with the same part of your brain as an adult. Adults think with their prefrontal cortex, which is the rational part of the brain. Teens/early 20's think with their amygdala, which is the emotional part, basically doing what feels good at the moment or just doing what you want to do no matter who it hurts or what the consequences may be. You've got 5 more years or so to be aware that you are not yet thinking with your whole brain, so please keep that in mind when you are about to do something that you can undo.
- Evaluate your morals, know what you will and will not do no matter the situation that's presented, and stick to it. Recently a friend of yours started dating a girl that told him on their very first date that she was not going to have sex until their wedding night, so if he was in it for that, he could leave now. He chose to stay, and gained a ton of respect for her at the onset of the relationship. Don't be afraid to be bold like that. It is admirable, and you won't waste your time on people who don't honor you for who you are. Just know that you will be presented with temptations, and if you already make your mind up in advance how you will react, the choice becomes more simple to make. Decide now on what you do and do not want for yourself and that will make temptations and choices much more clear when they present themselves.
- Last but not least, keep God close at all times. In your early 20's, it's easy to drift from God. Sleeping in is more important that going to worship, praying is inconvenient, doing the right thing is too hard, and really you just want to do what you want to do and nothing else really even matters. This goes back to your emotional brain doing the thinking for you, but these have afterlife consequences that cannot be undone. If your goal is heaven, then live like it. Matthew 6:33 says "Seek the kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need." This is what makes true Christians be set apart from those who just want to call themselves Christians. You live in a way that serves God, from the music you listen to, to how you choose to spend your Sunday mornings, to the language you use, to the people you choose to associate with, EVERY single part of your life needs God ALL up in it! Invite Him in. Don't leave Him out of anything.
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