To Austin on your 15th...

 Dear Austin,

What a year your 14th year of life was! I've had the most fun watching you meet new people and learn new things this year. Despite the fact that all but about 3 1/2 months of your 14th year has been changed in so many ways because of COVID-19, you've still managed to maintain an amazing attitude and be involved in so many great things. 

Daniel, Johnny, Caden, Jayden, Santa, Kyler, you, and Colton at the church Christmas party

Poppy Loe, Grandma, Memaw, and Pawpaw at your Christmas concert last year.

Although this pandemic year has been different, watching how you've handled everything has been a wonderful experience. During the lockdown, you handled all of your online classwork like a champ, and I don't even remember you needing my help for any of it. You just got online and got it done. You took it upon yourself to help rehab Max (our dog) after he hurt his leg and spent time walking him down the road every day, which I still truly believe saved him from having to have surgery. You and I enjoyed frequent walks at the park and you kept up with your friends through video games. This summer you chose to be very actively involved in youth group activities and spent almost every day this summer at the building playing games and socializing. You've got an amazing group of friends at church and I love how close you all are. 

You and Daniel at the youth group party at our house

You and I on the slopes!

About to head down the mountain

You and Kyler at Cameron's walk/run

Rachel and Allie

I got to come eat lunch with you at school on this day.

At the beginning of this school year, you decided to make a last minute change to your schedule and change from jazz band to theatre, and what a difference that has made in your school year! Just a few weeks into your first theatre class you decided to try out for T-high's play "Puffs". I was nervous for you because I knew that many students had been in theatre most of their lives, and this would be a brand new thing for you. Yet, you went for it, tried out, and got an acting role. You developed a love for theatre while making some pretty great friends during that experience. It has been fun watching you tackle new things head on with no fear. I'm proud (and a little jealous) of your confidence and bravery. 

Bringle

Bringle

Broken Bow

My grown up guys

Since you've been in marching band and had a role in the play this fall, your schedule has been insane. Most days you've been at school from 6:45am until 7:00pm, and many days even stayed until 9:00 or 10:00pm just to come home and start your homework. Those long days are more than just about anyone can handle (I know I couldn't!), but you've still managed to keep up with your classes and found time to be involved in the youth group at church. You have tirelessly been involved in everything that has come up and stuck with things that you really wanted to give up and I am proud of you for that. This first semester of high school has been a crazy whirlwind and has left us all needing a break, but I couldn't be more proud of how you've handled all that you've been dealt over the past several months. 

First day of high school band practice

Boating

First day of high school

Sometimes I look at you and can't even believe you're my baby boy. You have facial hair, your voice is deep, and you frequent intellectual conversations that all make me realize just how grown up you are. You are handsome, fun to be around, and love people with your whole heart. The social distancing, not being able to shake hands, not being able to hug people thing has been super hard for you since that is just your nature, but I sure do look forward to your hugs every evening. You've got such a great heart. 

9th grade school pic

Band

Never forget that dad and I are here for you when things are not good, but we may not even know about it if you don't tell us. Being bullied at school can change your life if you don't know how to deal with it or even process what has happened. You may not have experienced it yet, but there will always be people who are insecure enough with themselves to feel as if making fun of others will help them feel better. It really is more about them than it is about you, but that doesn't change how hurtful their words and actions can be. Don't be afraid to come to us about hard things. Sometimes working through your problems on your own is needed for growth and maturity, but sometimes it is just too much to try to tackle alone. We are here for the good, the bad, and the ugly and will do everything in our power to help you work through whatever it is that's going on. 

Pep rally

High school is only 4 years of your entire life, and you've already very successfully made it through the first 1/2 year of that. I am praying that your next 3 1/2 years of it end up being some of your very best memories in life, while also keeping in mind that there is SO much more life left after your high school years. Those are the years that you are preparing for now. Continue to think about and plan for your future. What do you want for yourself? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? In 10 years? I'd recommended setting some big life goals and continue to take little steps to work towards them. 

A visit to Harding

Purple cow!

Some advice as you enter your 15th year of life: 

• Be firm in your faith. You have already been exposed to SO much more than I had when I was your age. I'm shocked weekly by the things you tell us you've encountered at school, but at the same time you've handled it all with grace. Now more than ever teenagers have to know what they believe, determine their values very early in life, and be bold and confident enough to speak out when things are not ok. I know you are surrounded daily by kids who frequently cuss, drink, have sex, vape, ALL THE THINGS, but I know you serve a God that is bigger than ALL of it. Determine now how you will handle being made fun of for your morals and beliefs and stick to it, no matter how hard the situation is. God will help you through. 

Pray. A LOT. And read your Bible. Our prayers should be ongoing throughout our day.  It doesn't have to be formal prayers, but "God please help me on this test" or "God thank you for giving me the wisdom to escape that situation". He doesn't need earth-shattering, 20 minute long prayers, He just needs to know that you are continually asking Him for help and thanking Him for all He is doing. Don't be scared to get real with God. He already knows, but He wants to hear you talk about it and give it to Him. 

Working a haunted house for Halloween

Austin for President! (Please!) 

• Think before you act. Your brain has a lot of growing to do, so this one isn't as easy as it sounds like it should be. Considering the consequences of your actions will take effort, but will be worth it if you try. Every action has an equal opposite reaction (Newton's 3rd law, but I guarantee you're now thinking about Hamilton lyrics). For every choice you make, there will be a consequence. You decide to not try on a test, you will get a bad grade. You decide to drop out of everything that gets a little difficult, you will never learn the value of perseverance. You decide to drink that alcohol, take a hit off that vape, or smoke that weed, you may be setting yourself up for a lifetime of addiction. You decide to get sexual with a girl, you'll be slapped in the face with shame, confusion, and hurt. Learn how to say no and be ok with it. You don't owe anyone anything and they won't accept you more if you do whatever the thing is that they want you to do. Keep your heart, mind, and body pure. Dad and I will do everything in our power to set you up for success, but we won't be around when many of these types of decisions arise, so develop your game plan now and stick to it when it does. 

A long hug from your best buddy

Puffs!

Behind the scenes at Puffs with director Cate Rounds

• More than anything, just keep on being you. You are ROCKING these teenage years so far. I'm so impressed with your love for people and your willingness to go the extra mile, when needed. You have surrounded yourself with amazing friends who share a similar faith as you do and have continued to seek out Christian friends as you've been exposed to so many different lifestyles and morals. You are such a cool person and I enjoy being around you. I love that we often have the same thought and are both ready to quote a "Friends" reference at any given moment and the other knows exactly what we're talking about. You are handsome, smart, funny, and sweet. Really Austin, just keep being you and know dad and I are here for you when it gets hard. Don't ever be hesitant to share your life with us, even the hard things. Believe it or not, we really do understand. I love you and I'm so proud of you.

Love, 

Mom

To Aaron, on your 20th...

 Dear Aaron, 

You're 20. We've spent more time apart in the past year than we ever did the first 18 years of your life. Which is exactly how it's supposed to be. This is the part we trained you for. This was the goal. I have learned to not be sad that you aren't home with us anymore, but to soak in every single minute that I do get to spend with you. Usually when we see each other, you will catch me looking at you for no reason and ask, "what?", and my response is always "Nothing. I just like looking at you." What you don't know is that when I look at you I can still see the baby at my breast, the 2 year old going to pre-k with the backpack that was way too big, the 5 year old holding his little brother for the first time, the 4th grader smiling ear to ear because he was so proud of his award, the 8th grader who liked to go kick the football after school, and the high schooler who loved having his friends at our house. A mom can see all of this in one glance across the table, so forgive me if you think I'm looking at you for too long. It has been an honor to get to be at all of those parts of life for you, and it is an honor to watch what you do with your life moving forward. 

From the time you were little, every big life move you made showed us a little more about the person you were becoming. I remember when you were in kindergarten and you came home using words that I'd never heard you use before (not bad words, just different than normal) and I thought about how much your friends would help shape you and become part of your story. I would just listen and enjoy what you were saying and doing but I knew this was something that would continue as you evolved into who you were to become. Now I do the same when I see you. You've been influenced by a whole new set of people over the past year, and again that has led you to change and become a little bit more of who you are going to be, and I can't get enough of our time together as I get to know the ever-evolving Aaron. I have loved every single version of you. The rodeo kid from kindergarten, the new kid in school from 3rd grade, the trying-to-figure-out-my-place kid from middle school, the football kicker and deer/duck hunter from high school, and the college student/boat mechanic/fisherman from your first year away from us. Dad and I have been your number one fans throughout every single version of your life, and we continue to be today, even when we don't see or talk to you as much as we'd like. We try hard to not bother you in your busy life, but at the end of the day, the question is always, "did you talk to Aaron today?", because as much as we don't want to bother you, we both really want to know how everything was in your world that day. You are so very loved. 

In case you haven't heard, when you turn 20 you automatically know everything there is to know about adulting and you'll figure out everything about your life this year that you've ever wondered. Except you don't and you won't. And if you ever figure out the age that happens, please let me know so I can look forward to being that age. To this day, I still call my parents when I have a big decision or need advice. Why? Because they've always had my back and chose to love me, even when I was being unlovable. And my guess is that if their parents were still alive, they'd call them up and ask them for advice as well. The truth is, we don't ever have it all figured out. We need help from people that we love and trust to help get us through this world that seems to have gone crazy. Please don't ever hesitate to call us or come home whenever you feel like it. We will always be your safe place and will always be cheering the loudest for you and your success as an adult. We worked hard to get you here, and we'll continue to work hard for you as long as God gives us breath. 

So, advice for my 20-year old version of Aaron...

• Make wise financial decisions, and stay out of debt. This is something I wish I would've been better at in my early years, but learning to manage money well at your age will benefit you the rest of your life.

• Be the man that you need to be in order to attract the wife that you would like to have. This needs to be printed in bold letters and kept beside your nightstand until the day you marry. Take a very honest look at yourself. If you want a woman that is better than you are now, it's time to rise up and be the man that she would want before you even meet her. God is getting her ready to be the woman that you need, so let Him work on you to help you become the man she needs. You will be the leader in your household. She needs to be able to see that in you from the first date. 

• Don't allow yourself to become addicted to bad habits that are hard to break. Smoking, drinking, vaping, pornography, illegal drugs, all of these things will be around you for the remainder of your adult life. We did our very best to shield you from it all when you were with us, but whether or not you choose to participate in any of these things as an adult is your choice. I've spent my life watching marriages break up, people lose their jobs, and people dying too early because of an addiction they wish they'd never started. If any of this is going on with you, stop it now before it controls your life, because it will control everything and you give all of your power and free choices over to that addiction.

• Pray for your future daily. And I mean every. single. day. You have no idea how much God can take your little dreams and turn them into something so much bigger than you could've ever dreamed for yourself. I see it happen in my life over and over. Pray for wisdom in major life choices. Ask Him. He will give you your answer every single time.

• As always, make smart choices and do your very best to think through the consequences of your actions before you take them. Research shows that until you're about age 25, you don't even think with the same part of your brain as an adult. Adults think with their prefrontal cortex, which is the rational part of the brain. Teens/early 20's think with their amygdala, which is the emotional part, basically doing what feels good at the moment or just doing what you want to do no matter who it hurts or what the consequences may be. You've got 5 more years or so to be aware that you are not yet thinking with your whole brain, so please keep that in mind when you are about to do something that you can undo.

• Evaluate your morals, know what you will and will not do no matter the situation that's presented, and stick to it. Recently a friend of yours started dating a girl that told him on their very first date that she was not going to have sex until their wedding night, so if he was in it for that, he could leave now. He chose to stay, and gained a ton of respect for her at the onset of the relationship. Don't be afraid to be bold like that. It is admirable, and you won't waste your time on people who don't honor you for who you are. Just know that you will be presented with temptations, and if you already make your mind up in advance how you will react, the choice becomes more simple to make. Decide now on what you do and do not want for yourself and that will make temptations and choices much more clear when they present themselves.

• Last but not least, keep God close at all times. In your early 20's, it's easy to drift from God. Sleeping in is more important that going to worship, praying is inconvenient, doing the right thing is too hard, and really you just want to do what you want to do and nothing else really even matters. This goes back to your emotional brain doing the thinking for you, but these have afterlife consequences that cannot be undone. If your goal is heaven, then live like it. Matthew 6:33 says "Seek the kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need." This is what makes true Christians be set apart from those who just want to call themselves Christians. You live in a way that serves God, from the music you listen to, to how you choose to spend your Sunday mornings, to the language you use, to the people you choose to associate with, EVERY single part of your life needs God ALL up in it! Invite Him in. Don't leave Him out of anything.

Happy 20th birthday to you, Aaron. I love being your mom, and I look forward to watching you continue to become the man that God put you here to be. There's no logical reason my pregnancy with you should have made it. BUT GOD. His plans for you are big, and I've known that from the time I realized you were going to be the baby that stuck. I'm so lucky to have had a front row seat to all that He has done with you so far, and I'm looking forward to what all He does with your 20th year. 

I love you,

Mom