To Austin on your 9th...

Dear Austin,

     You are 9 years old today. You are not much shorter than me and our feet are the same size. Your favorite thing right now is playing Minecraft and your best friend is Carter. Your greatest gift is the way you relate to people. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know, and for being so young, you deeply care about everyone you know. You constantly ask people how their day is going, and you really want them to tell you. 

     A few weeks ago we were leaving school and you had stopped to help 2 different people on the way out. Even though you were ready to leave, you helped those that asked with an awesome attitude and stayed to make sure that you had done all that needed done. When we got in the car I was completely overcome with pride. I told you that you have such a great heart for people and that is something that I admire about you. Your response..."thank you for saying that, Momma, that was really sweet." 

Oh my heart, it is not possible for me to love you more. 

You have had a busy year. Here are some of your highlights...

This was at a stop we made on the way to Colorado last Christmas. You and Aaron were being silly. 

Skiing last December at Wolf Creek. You are an awesome skier! 

You found a skull in the woods while riding 4-wheelers.

Muddin

This was just before your first baseball game this year. You didn't love playing it, but you stuck with it and did your best.

This was your favorite part of playing...you got to hang out with your buddies :)

I took this pic in our church building. We were up there doing some work one evening and it started to storm. You crawled up in the window and just watched it rain. You are SO much like me.

This was at the butterfly palace in Branson this summer.

You and Aaron on the Harding campus for Uplift. It makes my heart happy that you love this place and know your way around it. 

One of our favorite things about summer....snocones! 

I love this pic of you and Blake at his birthday party. Such a great pic of you both.

One day last summer we went to Dallas to go to Six Flags with the youth group and then we stayed an extra day to play. We went to a mall and they had these balls that you and Aaron had a blast playing in.

Orange Beach this summer

This was the day that we went to ride jet skis in Orange Beach. You rode with me and Aaron rode with dad. I love it when you put your arm around me like this.

Lambert's cafe in Florida...

We went to the Perot theater to see our friend's band perform and we also got to see Aubrey dance. You have loved this sweet girl since you met her.

You and Dakota at the fair this September.

Headed to your birthday party yesterday. You are a great friend to others and they love you because of it. I hope you always choose your friends this wisely.

I love you so much Austin, and I am honored to be able to watch you grow. Keep your head up in everything you do, and never forget to thank God for all of your blessings. 

Happy birthday!
Mom

     

To Aaron, on your 14th birthday...

Dear Aaron, 

I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of the amazing Christian man you are becoming. You are 14 years old today. You are taller than me by several inches (yes, I've finally admitted it). You've got a great sense of humor, you're fun to be around, and you are so happy. You have always made smart, responsible choices and I hope that continues with you throughout your life. I've made a list of little pieces of advice for you as you enter your 14th year of life. So, here goes..

• Surround yourself with people who build you up, not people who tear you down.
• Guard your heart. Seriously, your heart is precious.
• Set your boundaries and stick to them. This will help you not give in to peer pressure.
• Be SO SO SO careful who you date. If it's not someone you would consider marrying one day, don't date her.
• Respect girls. Open her door. Let her go in before you. Give her your coat if she's cold. Tell her she looks nice.
• The internet can be a dangerous place. Don't allow yourself to look at photos or videos that you wouldn't look at if God were in the room with you. Because He is. 
• Pray everyday, several times a day. Don't ever forget how much you need God.
• Make good grades. College costs a lot of money without scholarships. 
• Never be afraid to say no. It's better to be a wimp than dead.
• When you fall on your face, get back up and keep moving.
• Pause before you speak, this will prevent a lot of problems.
• Talk to me or dad about what's on your mind. We are your biggest fans and care deeply about everything that goes on with you.
• Selfies are for faces.

There are at least 100 more pieces of advice I want to give you, but I'm not even sure you're still reading at this point, so I'll stop it at that. You're welcome. 

Here are a few pictures of you from the past year. It is a pleasure to watch you grow.

At Grandma and Poppy Loe's house with Luke, Kaulyn, and Austin

You and Parker Rowe at trap shoot practice

Riding at Bear Creek...You drove me across water I was afraid to drive in by myself.

Snow skiing at Wolf Creek

Boom

You, Austin, and Grandma

On a mission trip in Tennessee, working in the kitchen

Dalton Burns, you, and Kholeton Cox

Billy, you, CJ, Kholeton, and Tyler

You and dad

Photobombing my sunset pic at the beach

Aaron Neil...

And this. Best photo of the year. So proud of you for making the biggest decision of your life this year.

I love you,

Mom

17 years later...

It has been 17 years since we said "I do". It was not the best day of my life, as many think their wedding day will be. I had been up most of the night before crying and worried about a flower situation that presented itself during the rehearsal, so sleep hadn't really happened for me. My mom and I had to make an early morning trip to Texarkana from DeKalb to find a flower shop to fix my flower 'situation' before I could even begin getting myself ready for the wedding. I had been planning our wedding for 6 months, complete with a notebook separating each category including magazine articles and pictures all about what I wanted for our special day. It was supposed to be perfect. But with the lack of sleep, the flower situation, and a little unidentified "chill-out" pill that I took that day, it was not my vision for what a perfect wedding day would be like. The only reason I would put it in my top 10 favorite days would be because we began that day as boyfriend and girlfriend, and we ended that day as husband and wife. Even though I don't remember saying "I do" (Did I mention the chill-out pill?), I'm pretty sure that I said it and here we are 17 years later and....I still do. I also now realize that it was not about the wedding day, it was about the commitment that was made on that day, which makes me want to go back and tell my 21 year old self that THE FLOWERS DON'T EVEN MATTER. 

What do I have to say about being married 17 years later? It is hard. And it requires more work than any paying job I ever had. There have been times that I've wanted to walk away from it all, and I'm sure he has had those days too. What I have learned is this: Marriage has to remain a priority. Date nights are a must. Honesty is a must. Hand-holding is a must. Humility is a must. Flirting with each other is a must. Patience is a must. Respect is a must. A strong relationship with God is a must. Divorce is not an option. Ever.

I really don't even know where to start with my husband. He spoils me rotten. Just a few weeks ago, he was in his truck and I was in my car and we were driving home, but he somehow knew that I needed gas in my car (which is quite impressive because I had no idea I needed gas) (but this is why I need him). So as we were driving home on the interstate, he called me and to tell me to take the next exit because he wanted to fill my car up with gas for me so I didn't have to mess with it the next day. Y'all. I know how to put gas in my car. And, I've never once complained about filling my car up with gas (other than the fact that I would rather spend that money on something of actual value to me). Living out in the country and driving to town several times a week, getting gas is as much as part of life as shooting guns and riding 4-wheelers. But on this day, he wanted to do it for me. There was no motive behind it. He was just naturally doing what he does best: taking care of me. 

But life is far from perfect. It is real life. There are so many obstacles that could easily take us down if we let them. We both have jobs. I'm in grad school and have spent hours completely checked out from my family just to get homework done. He's an extrovert, I'm an introvert. We haven't had any luck growing trees that produce money. I don't like to cook, but he likes to eat more than just cereal. He's a morning person, I'm a night person. I could go on and on. Every couple has their 'stuff', but what I love about our 'stuff' is that it's OURS, not just mine alone or his alone to carry. When I've had a bad day, my husband is my soft place to fall. When he's had a bad day, I want to hear about it. He is my biggest fan, and I am his. Through all of these little life imperfections, we become closer. In a world of constant changing, he is my constant. We value our relationship and realize the importance of connecting, and we put effort into our relationship continually. I consider myself blessed to be going through this 'stuff' with someone who is willing to share the load with me. 

Rob, we have been through some hard times since our care-free college days, and I know that there are many more heartaches along our pathway, but I wouldn't want to be going down this path with anyone else in the world. We have grown up together throughout these 17 years. You love God, you love me, and you love our boys. Thank you for that. I am a better person because of you. You are so good to us and I thank you for that. I couldn't ask for anything else and I am so lucky to be able to call myself your wife. 

Even though I don't completely remember saying "I do" 17 years ago...

Finding the Balance

I have had several people ask me lately why I don't blog much anymore, and my answer is...there are not enough hours in my day to get done all that needs to be done already, when is there time to blog?? Well, I decided that today would be a good day to try to play catch-up, so here goes.

First of all, in my last post I requested prayers for my friend, Phillip. He went skiing with us over Christmas and got sick while we were there. He had the flu, which turned into pneumonia, and then just kept getting more and more sick as the days went on. He actually stopped breathing 3 times in the past month and a half and required CPR to revive him. There were many days that it just wasn't looking good for him. But people prayed for him. I prayed continuously for him. I cried daily about the situation. His wife, Wendy, has been my best friend since elementary school, and she was amazing during the entire sickness. It was a terrible, but beautiful thing to see. Thank y'all for praying for him. I am so happy to report that he is finally back home with his family and going through rehab to regain his strength. I am so thankful for all of my friends that prayed for him that don't even know him, and I know Phillip and Wendy are thankful for that also.

Phillip with his daughter Abbie the day he got home.

If God leads you to it, He will bring you through it.

The main reason I blog is to keep up with what's going on in our lives because I realize that I'm getting old and my memory seems to be failing. While I was spending time with Wendy, I realized that she remembers more of my childhood than I do. How is this even possible? I realize know that I'm older than she is, but only by 2 weeks! My brain is just on overload right now and my memory is failing because of it (or that's the excuse I'm sticking with). But I do like to be able to look back and read what was going on at certain times, so I'm going to try to keep this up as often as possible.

Cousin love :)

If I had to sum up my life right now in one word, it would be BUSY. My brain never shuts off, and even when I try to relax I have a hard time with it because there's too much that needs to be done to relax right now. I am working on my masters in teaching, which has me doing homework what seems like ALL THE TIME. I am also in the middle of my first year of teaching first grade (which I am loving!) so if my thoughts aren't on my homework, they are on what needs to be done for my classroom. And I do still have these 2 boys hanging around that require attention with homework, soccer, baseball, trap shooting, laundry, food, and everything in between. And there's this guy that I married a while back that also likes some attention every once in a while.

Aaron with his friend Parker at their first trap shooting practice.

Most days I go to bed questioning whether or not I can actually handle all of this. It is all good, but it is a LOT. It's so hard to find a good balance between work, school, and family. On the days I really focus on getting homework done, I feel guilty for what I've missed out on with my family. On the days that I have quality family time, I feel bad for not getting anything productive done. Most days I question whether or not I'm good enough or even smart enough to handle all that has come my way. My house is dirty most of the time, my children have pulled clothes out of the hamper to wear to school on more than one occasion, Austin has gone to school with his shirt inside-out, I have forgotten lunches, I have returned texts but never pressed SEND, and my mail rarely gets opened. Some days I just feel like I've messed it all up.

Austin with our new puppy, Roxie.

But then I can always look back on the week before and think about how it all seemed to work out. My assignment got turned in just in time. My students told me I was the best teacher ever. My husband told me he was proud of me. I shared a special moment with my kids. My co-workers encouraged me. Somehow, it all seems to work out.

My world.

If God leads you to it, He will bring you through it.

I believe this. I know that I am doing what God wants me to be doing right now. He lined everything up so perfectly for me that I can not deny it. A year ago, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. But the doors were opened for me without any type of struggle on my part to get me to where I am today. God has been with me through this entire process, and I know without a doubt that He will not leave me. The problem comes when I try to handle this all by myself. I am giving myself too much credit if I really think that I could do this on my own. And if I ever do try to do it on my own, that is when you will see me fall apart. But daily, I have to make the conscious choice to give it to God. I can not be everything to everyone. But I have faith that He will help me be exactly what I need to be for that particular day. I will make it through this...one day at a time. 

Robbie surprised me with a MUCH needed night away for Valentine's Day!

I'm so proud of my husband. He is now a deacon in our church along with these other amazing men. Robbie has such a servant heart, and I could not be more proud to be his wife.

Y'all have a great week! 

Fall wrap-up, Colorado, and an urgent prayer request...

With Christmas break coming to an end, I thought it would be a good time to catch up on what all is going on right now. I just finished up my first semester of teaching first grade while going to school to work on my Master's. This semester has been crazy busy, to say the least. I wasn't fully prepared for all that has come my way over the past few months, but I am doing my best to take it all in stride and with the knowledge that this hard work will pay off and there is an end in sight. Grad school has not been difficult as far as the work goes (somehow I still have all A's), but it is SO TIME CONSUMING. Between teaching 20 precious first graders, doing my own homework, helping my kids with their homework, driving to soccer and football, being a housekeeper (I use this term loosely. It's a good week when I've cooked once and did 2 loads of laundry.), and being an active church member I have just been stretched thin. I am not at all complaining, but I realize that if I don't write down how I feel in the moment, I may not remember it later. I am actually very grateful for where I am today. I love my job and the people I work with. I love that I get to have the same schedule as my kids. Above all of the stress and craziness, I know that I am blessed to be where I am and to have what I have, and for that I am thankful, and continue to give God the glory for ALL good things that come my way.

Last year was the first year that we took a family ski trip to Pagosa Springs, CO over our break, and the boys enjoyed it so much that we went back again this year. This threw a bit of a kink in our Christmas family gatherings, but somehow we got it all worked out and had successfully completed all gift opening by the time we left on December 21st. This made the second year in a row we haven't actually been home on Christmas Day, but to me it's not about where you are, but who you are with. For many, Christmas Day was special because you got to spend that morning with your sleepy-eyed babies in their pj's seeing all of the things that Santa brought. For me, the highlight of Christmas Day this year was skiing alongside my childhood best friend while videoing our little people ski down with Santa while singing Christmas songs. It. Was. Perfection.

But I need to back up. On the 21st, we loaded up in the car and headed to DeKalb to pick up my niece Jennifer (who rode with us) and to meet up with Phillip and Wendy (childhood best friend), their kids, and also my nephew who rode with them. Our plan was to reach Amarillo by days end and spend the night there. We did really well on our time until we were just outside of Amarillo and spent 4 hours on the same interstate, not moving 5 miles that entire time because of some crazy ice storm they had going on at the time. We sat there so long that we watched the Polar Express in its entirety and the kids went out to play several times. (There was possibly some yellow snow on the side of the road, but I wasn't looking so I can't verify that.) It actually became a bit comical with everything that was going on, and began to feel very natural to tell my children that they could go out of the car and play on the side of the interstate if they were bored.

Playing on the side of the road....

Somehow we made it off of I40 and to our hotel safely, where we met by brother Craig and his wife, Kassie. The next morning, we all headed out as a caravan of 3. Just minutes into the drive, we found ourselves stuck on the interstate once again. But this time, the situation was quickly assessed by the men in charge and the decision was made to drive backwards onto the nearest on ramp and park somewhere a while. So we had some vehicles back up for us, and it worked out beautifully. We stopped at this little saloon/restaurant type place for lunch, and by the time we were finished, the interstate was moving and we were finally back on the road.

The men...assessing the situation.

I love the windmills in West Texas.

Our family shared a lock-off (that was unlocked most of the time) with Phillip and Wendy, while my parents and brother shared a lock-off in a different building. In the morning, we took turns fixing breakfast with Wendy, which was quite fabulous because, umm...HELLO...someone's cooking bacon in our kitchen! We had all manner of breakfast foods including pancakes, breakfast tacos, and biscuits and gravy. We usually ate our lunch at the ski area on the mountain but for dinner my mom would have something cooked for all of us. Let's just say we ate well.

Wendy and I (along with our kids) skied every day from Monday to Thursday and really just had the best time together. We don't get to hang out much at all so this trip brought a welcome reconnection. Robbie doesn't ski but did come up to the ski mountain a few days. Phillip skied with us Monday, but really hadn't felt good since we left home. He had fever and a cough that seemed to be worsening. He did choose to come ski with us on Thursday for our last day there, but by the end of that day he felt horrible, as did I. I had a fever by the time we got home on Thursday night and I felt like it was hard to breathe, even though mountain air typically really agrees with me. By the time we left on Friday morning, I know for sure that 4 of us ran fever at some point on that trip. It seemed like everyone that wanted their temperature checked ended up having fever. That's when you know...IT'S TIME TO GO HOME. It was a fun trip that went by WAY too fast, but it was time to go.

Jennifer, Brandon, and Austin having lunch.

Wendy and Abbie

Wendy and I in the ski lodge for lunch.

Austin and Abbie got along so well all week.

 

At this point we were laughing so hard because we didn't know if Austin had taken our pic or not and we had been posing for 10 minutes!

Craig and I

Because sometimes you just need to lay in the snow.

And he made it look so good his brother just had to join him.

Robbie and Austin on the snowmobile ride.

I can't end this post without saying this: When Phillip got home, he tested positive for the flu, then for pneumonia. Phillip is currently in ICU in a local hospital hooked up to a ventilator and heavily sedated with his lungs covered with pneumonia. I spent a few hours in his room last night with Wendy and am just in shock that he is this sick, only a week after our trip. Please keep Phillip, Wendy, and their family in your prayers. He has a very long road ahead of him.